Why can't you just control yourself?

It's been two weeks since my last post. Not that I haven't wanted to write, it's just that as no one knows I'm writing this it's hard to get the private time and space to do it. In the last two weeks I've been doing plenty of things where I normally would have drunk - out to dinner with friends, watching rugby in a bar, socialising in a bar, even just watching a good, juicy TV show at home with hubby. I wouldn't say it's been easy. Every time someone offers me a drink I still want to say yes and still feel pissed off that I can't say yes. Whatever situation I'm in though thankfully I only have to say no once and then my brain gives up its nagging. Which is a relief. I've also started telling people that I no longer drink. Everyone understands. Many were witness to my last drunken escapade and in fact many have said that they need to reduce or give up too. It's amazing when you talk about it how many people struggle with the same issue. You either get it or you don't. You either have the problem or you don't. Hubby doesn't have the problem. Thank goodness or life would really be a mess. But that means I can't really talk to him about it. When I got a little annoyed at the 3rd glass of red wine he had in front of me the other night and said exasperatedly "I wish I could just have one too!" his response was "well why don't you and just learn to control yourself!" Oh if only it were that easy. It's not that I want him to stop drinking. There's no reason for him to stop. But I feel I'm still in a stage where I could easily kid myself that I could start to have one glass at a time and that would be ok, wouldn't it? What if I never drank while out but allowed myself one glass at home per night? Where's the harm in that? Oh wait I've tried rules before. And the goalposts slowly move. One per night at home, two per night at home, two at home and one while out, three at home and two while out....etc etc etc. I know hubby doesn't understand why I can't just control myself. Why I'll never trust myself with alcohol again. I know it makes him angry which is why I can't talk to him about it. I guess it's why there are so many recovery blogs out there. People need to get their thoughts out and connect with other people who "get it". I'm sure I'll share this blog with friends and family one day. But I'm definitely not ready to yet.