Late teens / Early twenties

My late teens / early twenties were a bit of a blur. Everything revolved around drinking. In my last year of school I was regularly going to the pub, drinking with my older brothers, staying out all night. I even remember drinking at 10am one day when skipping school with a boyfriend - I was nervous, shy, I didn't actually know what to do or say without a drink in my hand. Then university. I was 17 when I started university. There was a pub on campus. I spent many afternoons sitting on the pub terrace, alone, nursing a beer pretending to read my notes. I left home towards the end of the year. Needless to say my drinking increased, I put on weight, I failed most of my exams. Back home after the summer I started hanging out with some of my brother's friends. One would become my boyfriend for the next 5 years. They were heavy drinkers - I idolised them. We would meet up on a Friday night at someone's house and drink for a couple of hours before going out. They would polish off the best part of a bottle of vodka (mixed with orange juice, surely that's healthy?) while I would get through the best part of 2 bottles of Italian sparkling wine. Then we would go out to bars and clubs until the early hours drinking the whole time. We'd get a few hours sleep, have some fast food for breakfast, watch sport on TV and then do it all again the next night. This continued in more or less the same vein for the next 4 years. Some things changed: I moved in with them, got a weekend job (needless to say I was always hungover), Saturday afternoons in summer were spent on the cricket pitch and in winter watching rugby, I finally finished uni and got a job. But it was four years of heavy boozing every weekend. We lived for the weekend. Drinks at home, drinks at a restaurant/bar/club, more drinks at home. I know this is pretty normal for most kiwis. And this is the problem - it was normal. Everyone around me was doing a similar thing. Nobody thought they had a problem. When I drank too much and was sick it was funny. Alcohol was such a massive part of who we were and what we did. It was even normal to have a few drinks after work on a Friday night and drive home. I did this every week. 2, 3, 4 glasses of wine and then drive across the city. Thinking back now I was an emotional wreck in my early twenties. Maybe everyone is? My boyfriend and I split up for a bit, I didn't know who I was, or who I wanted to be, we got back together. Then he left to go overseas... I didn't realise it at the time but this was one of the defining moments of my life. I had been very dependant on him emotionally. The first chord was cut. Outside I was fine. Inside I was a wreck. Of course I drank. I latched on to another of my brother's friends, another heavy drinker of course, and we went clubbing every weekend. I went to London to visit my boyfriend and we decided to heave a break. I thought we would get back together when he got back in a couple of years. Back home I was having fun, I felt free - but I was jumping from one thing to the next, one guy to the next. I decided to join my girlfriends in London but I needed 8 months to pay off my credit card first. I had a fling with a Scot. My ex got together with someone else, he said it was serious. I fell in love with the Scot, he had to go back to Scotland. I brought my trip forward to join him, he broke my heart. Everything changes but the drinking stays the same. I still go to London, earlier than planned, with 800 pounds in my pocket and my credit card still maxed out.