London 2 - Clubbing

Funny when I think back that I actually had about 6 months off alcohol in London. It started after the night I woke up in a hotel room with a stranger sleeping on the floor. He was lovely actually, his name was Ed, he was Irish and working as a contractor at Barclays (or one of the big banks, maybe NatWest). After I had gone home and been rejected by the ex I had rung a friend and met her for lunch instead. It was the first time I'd been to Liverpool St station so it was only a month or so in to my time in London. It was enough time though that my two best friends were back from travelling around Europe. I had met one the night before for drinks. She had sensibly gone home at around 11pm, while I, of course well drunk by this time had stayed in the bar with some guys. One of which thankfully looked after me and took me back to his hotel - which may have been an ulterior motive but honestly in the state I'd have been in I probably never would have made it home alone. Anyway, I digress. After this night I met my friend for lunch and for the first time ever said the words "I think I'm an alcoholic". It's easy to say them to yourself. It's not so easy to say them to someone else. I was probably still drunk when I said them which is what gave me the guts to do so. But it definitely got me thinking. I went out the next Friday night to the pub and didn't drink! Irish guy Ed met me there. Lovely guy. But there was no spark. The interesting thing was I didn't just stop drinking myself, but I also couldn't stand being around drunk people. I had started to go clubbing and take e. I loved it. The first night was amazing. I went to a club with 2 girls I had only just met (through a friend) and for the first time in my life actually felt connected and able to communicate. Losing the inhibition of not being able to open up to people without being slurring drunk was life changing. Needless to say those girls are still my friends now, one my absolute bestie. It was a revelation being able to empathise, talk to people, dance and stay awake all night without drunkenness. Guys on e weren't the creepy. slurring messes they were on alcohol. Rightly or wrongly a club felt like a safer environment than a pub. People on e cared about each other, talked, connected. Whereas people who were drunk just wanted to get off and ended up falling over and throwing up. That was my impression at that time anyway. During those first few months I met and got dumped by a nice young English man. It ended up that my BFF and me swore off not only alcohol but men as well. We went out all weekend, dancing in clubs until 6am before going to after parties to continue or chill out. And then we discovered coke...

Holidays

I got through Christmas. I got through New Years. And I got through a week away in the snow. I don't know why we feel we have to congratulate ourselves for this. But we do. None of it was actually that hard. But it still irks me that no one really gets it. My hubby and in laws don't get why I don't drink, why I can't just have one and that I'll never drink again. Cue Christmas carols in our local square, in the cold mist, the smell of mulled wine wafting through. My father in law, meaning well, asks if I want any, of course I do! I'd love nothing more than to have a mulled wine, and another, the feeling of the warm smooth liquid going down my throat, hitting my tummy and the wonderful feeling of the alcohol hitting my brain. I say no but he mishears and gets me one. Of course I don't drink it which causes a few raised eyebrows as he's sure I said yes. Cue dinners out when I'd love nothing more than to have a say in what wine is purchased and partake in the celebratory bubbles followed by a nice, deep French red. Umm, just the Perrier for me please. Christmas day was actually ok. Normally I'm into the bubbles by 9am. This time no one started drinking until lunchtime. I was driving anyway and just made sure I had my non alcoholic bubbles topped up. New Years was actually great. The kids were sick so we didn't last long initially at the local dinner/party but I did manage to drag Miss 8 back just before midnight though to do some dancing and do the happy new year thing. There's nothing better than getting on the dance floor to take your mind off the fact that you haven't got an alcoholic drink in your hand. And once you say no once people don't care that you're not drinking - it's yourself who has to come to terms with it. We've just got back from a week away in the snow. It was the first time the girls had seen snow so was pretty special. The gite owners "kindly" left a bottle of red wine for us. Hubby quietly polished that off. The drive to the ski slope was pretty hairy - we didn't have chains and although the road was pretty clear there were a few spots which were pretty icy. I was driving and drove all the way up in 2nd gear. Pretty nerve wracking, especially as the mist started to close in as soon as we got there. Again the smell of mulled wine wafting from the café. I had a coffee instead. Later hubby said to me " I thought you'd treat yourself to a wine after the drive up there, you deserved it." Really? Lost for words. Absolutely lost for words. Being sober is a lonely place.